bridesmaid suddenly backing out?

Knottie

I chose a nail design that I would like for my BMs and I've already told them I will pay. I want them all to get french tips and a simple flower design. I will pay for it. One of my bridemaids is suddenly refusing to get the tips put on because she says it gets in the way of playing guitar which she does for a living. I feel like it's BS that she won't suck it up for me, and honestly she has disagreed with me on everything from the dress to the shoes and everything. I offered to pay for everything for her including her dress when she said 2 days before the order by date that she didn't like it. She's the only dress I offered to pay for but I'm paying for shoes, jewelry, hair, nails and make-up for everyone since I'm requiring it. Do I tell her no nails no wedding party? I don't think it's fair that she just gets to do whatever she wants when no one else is.

Knottie

Yes, he is wonderfully handsome, but that doesn't solve my problem.

kristbot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-suddenly-backing-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c23fe363-7d2d-4395-b167-741e2d296a60Post:1760ad0d-9981-4dad-8821-20e38913aaf3">bridesmaid suddenly backing out?</a>:
[QUOTE]I chose a nail design that I would like for my BMs and I've already told them I will pay. I want them all to get french tips and a simple flower design. I will pay for it. One of my bridemaids is suddenly refusing to get the tips put on because <strong>she says it gets in the way of playing guitar which she does for a living.</strong> <strong>I feel like it's BS that she won't suck it up for me,</strong> and honestly she has disagreed with me on everything from the dress to the shoes and everything. I offered to pay for everything for her including her dress when she said 2 days before the order by date that she didn't like it. She's the only dress I offered to pay for but I'm paying for shoes, jewelry, hair, nails and make-up for everyone since I'm requiring it. <strong>Do I tell her no nails no wedding party?</strong> I don't think it's fair that she just gets to do whatever she wants when no one else is.
Posted by luv2cook13[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Quoted because this just smells like a future DD.</div><div>
</div><div>Umm OP, if it gets in the way of her livelyhood, then yes, she has every right to say no. Even if you're paying.</div><div>
</div><div>To the second bolded: are her nails more important than her friendship? That should give you your answer. <span style="font-size:11px;line-height:14px;">Just because all the other girls are going along with what you want doesn't mean they're happy about it.</span></div><div><span style="font-size:11px;line-height:14px;">
</span></div><div><span style="font-size:11px;line-height:14px;">I used to get tip put on all the time. They absolutely destroy your natural nailbed. I totally understand why someone wouldn't want to get them done.</span></div><div>
</div><div>ETA: Spelling and this because it should get good:<img style="font-size:11px;line-height:14px;-webkit-user-select:none;" src="http://www.helloloser.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/Mj-thriller-popcorn-o.gif" alt="" /></div><div>
</div><div>
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unchatenfrance

I'm sorry but are you kidding me? Why are you so insistent on your BMs getting their nails done? There are people out there who do not like them, and your friend has a VERY VALID reason. It doesn't matter if you're paying for the nails or not. Nobody will notice your BMs nails anyway. Just because you're paying for something doesn't mean there are no limits to what you can make your friends do. If you tell her "no nails, no wedding party" be prepared to lose her as a friend.

lyndausvi

I would never suck it up to get tips.  Sorry, I don't care if I am in your wedding and you are paying.

Personally, I would give people the option of getting them, not making them. 

 Of course, I don't get the whole everyone has to be matchy-matchy from head to toe.  So there's that.

TXKristan

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-suddenly-backing-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c23fe363-7d2d-4395-b167-741e2d296a60Post:1760ad0d-9981-4dad-8821-20e38913aaf3">bridesmaid suddenly backing out?</a>:
[QUOTE]I chose a nail design that I would like for my BMs and I've already told them I will pay. I want them all to get french tips and a simple flower design. I will pay for it. One of my bridemaids is suddenly refusing to get the tips put on because she says it gets in the way of playing guitar which she does for a living. I feel like it's BS that she won't suck it up for me, and honestly she has disagreed with me on everything from the dress to the shoes and everything. I offered to pay for everything for her including her dress when she said 2 days before the order by date that she didn't like it. She's the only dress I offered to pay for but I'm paying for shoes, jewelry, hair, nails and make-up for everyone since I'm requiring it. Do I tell her no nails no wedding party? I don't think it's fair that she just gets to do whatever she wants when no one else is.
Posted by luv2cook13[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>
</div><div>Step back for a minute.  Your bridesmaid -- your FRIEND -- is saying that the type of manicure you are requiring will get in the way of her way to earn a living.  </div><div>
</div><div>Nobody notices the fingernails or toenails of the bridal party.  NOBODY.  In fact, I don't think anyone could have told you what my nails and toes looked like at my wedding.</div><div>
</div><div>I think you need to take a step back from how things will look in the cutesy pictures and focus on why you asked her to be your bridesmaid.  You want her to stand by you on the day you are married.  That's all that matters.</div><div>

</div>

LiLe422

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-suddenly-backing-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c23fe363-7d2d-4395-b167-741e2d296a60Post:1760ad0d-9981-4dad-8821-20e38913aaf3">bridesmaid suddenly backing out?</a>:
[QUOTE]I chose a nail design that I would like for my BMs and I've already told them I will pay. I want them all to get french tips and a simple flower design. I will pay for it. One of my bridemaids is suddenly refusing to get the tips put on because she says it gets in the way of playing guitar which she does for a living. I feel like it's BS that she won't suck it up for me, and honestly she has disagreed with me on everything from the dress to the shoes and everything. I offered to pay for everything for her including her dress when she said 2 days before the order by date that she didn't like it. She's the only dress I offered to pay for but I'm paying for shoes, jewelry, hair, nails and make-up for everyone since I'm requiring it. <strong>Do I tell her no nails no wedding party?</strong> I don't think it's fair that she just gets to do whatever she wants when no one else is.
Posted by luv2cook13[/QUOTE]

You cannot be serious, right? 

Who gives a flying fluck what her nails look like?  I would tell you to go to hell if I was her.

TheBaysideBride

HAhaha this must be a joke post.
there is no way someone can be this tacky AND this inconsiderate.

kmbryant2413

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-suddenly-backing-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c23fe363-7d2d-4395-b167-741e2d296a60Post:1760ad0d-9981-4dad-8821-20e38913aaf3">bridesmaid suddenly backing out?</a>:
[QUOTE]I chose a nail design that I would like for my BMs and I've already told them I will pay. I want them all to get french tips and a simple flower design. I will pay for it. One of my bridemaids is suddenly refusing to get the tips put on because she says it gets in the way of playing guitar which she does for a living. I feel like it's BS that she won't suck it up for me, and honestly she has disagreed with me on everything from the dress to the shoes and everything. I offered to pay for everything for her including her dress when she said 2 days before the order by date that she didn't like it. She's the only dress I offered to pay for but I'm paying for shoes, jewelry, hair, nails and make-up for everyone since I'm requiring it. Do I tell her no nails no wedding party? I don't think it's fair that she just gets to do whatever she wants when no one else is.
Posted by luv2cook13[/QUOTE]
<img style="cursor:pointer;" class="toggle_inline_image constrained_image" src="http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lu9nk0jSQv1qjpwun.gif" alt="image" width="250" height="188" />

OwningAHome1981

It seems like you are requiring a lot of your girls. I get that you are paying and that is very nice, but in the scheme of things, it is nails. No one is going to notice what kind of "nails" the bridesmaids are wearing.

Personally I would not want tips. It would get in the way of my work as well. Tips are not for everyone- they can be really uncomfortable to wear!

Liatris2010

You are fighting with your best friend about nail polish.

AddieL73

What difference do her nails make? Nobody, and by that I mean NOBODY, will notice her nails. You're silly to make her do this, especially when it interferes with her livelihood.

unchatenfrance

Can I also point out the disconnect between the post title ("Bridesmaid suddenly backing out?") and the content ("my friend won't get her nails done for me so should I kick her out?")? There is absolutely nothing in the post itself about the BM wanting to back out.

kristbot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-suddenly-backing-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c23fe363-7d2d-4395-b167-741e2d296a60Post:77b8597f-6f53-4861-b717-e12742eee8bd">Re: bridesmaid suddenly backing out?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: bridesmaid suddenly backing out? : Eff that.  I don't care if her reason is "i don't like flowers" or "My aunt Mildred has tips and I hate her", she doesn't need a "good" or "valid" reason to not do something to her own body.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

<div>I know that she doesn't need any reason to not do it. I was just trying to frame it so OP, if she's not a troll, will understand that her friend is making complete sense, which OP doesn't seem to believe.</div>

cookie0803

The last time I had gel tips (I'm assuming this is what you're talking about? I could be wrong) put on was for senior prom. I also played guitar, so I had to have them taken off the following week. You know how they did it? They FILED THEM OFF. They went so far down that they filed into my nail bed. It was incredibly painful and I couldn't play guitar for somewhere around a month. It was horrible. I'm sure I just went to the wrong person, but I wouldn't ever try it again, either way. Even if someone else paid.

I'm not saying this is what happened to your BM, but my point is, everyone has their reasons for not wanting to do something, and it's not your business. You won't be able to see their nails in photos unless you're doing a close up of their hands for some reason, and if that is the case, can she just have the design put on without the fake tips?

Amsdragonfly

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-suddenly-backing-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c23fe363-7d2d-4395-b167-741e2d296a60Post:94df967e-7ed0-4f0f-891f-f864f132f2d4">Re: bridesmaid suddenly backing out?</a>:
[QUOTE]What difference do her nails make? Nobody, and by that I mean NOBODY, will notice her nails. You're silly to make her do this, especially when it interferes with her livelihood.
Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

<div>This. </div><div>
</div><div>This thread is ridiculous. I can't believe people are like this.. but I guess that's where the term 'bridezilla' comes from, right? </div>

cookie0803

In Response to Re: bridesmaid suddenly backing out?:
[QUOTE]You are fighting with your best friend about nail polish.
Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]

I change my answer. This, above all, is the main point.

tarradesign

I hate tips. The last time I got them I spent 6 months with horrible nails trying to grow out my nails. That said, no one will notice tips or not. Plus what if one of your clone BMs breaks a nail or chips a front tooth playing frisbee golf the night before? Are you going to ask them to step down?

TXKristan

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-suddenly-backing-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c23fe363-7d2d-4395-b167-741e2d296a60Post:4eaa1ef4-3de1-44bc-b919-a3f061689933">Re: bridesmaid suddenly backing out?</a>:
[QUOTE]You are fighting with your best friend about nail polish.
Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]

Knottie

This is made up, right? Right?

OP... I don't even... No, don't kick her out because she doesn't want to get her nails done. Really don't kick her out for any reason. Because it's awful. She's supposed to be your friend, one of your nearest and dearest.

I told my bridesmaids to do whatever they wanted with their nails. I can't even remember what they did. You can't even see their nails in pictures, at least not enough to pick out any little flower do-dads. Seriously. Let it go. Take a deep breath...

Knottie

I think it's BS that you're jeopardizing your close friendship over nails!!

This is ONE day of your life, you won't even see their nails in your photos unless you tell your photographer to take photos of their nails. In case you want that lame photo, just have her stand out.

My advice is to over yourself and apologize to your friend.

kmbryant2413

In Response to Re: bridesmaid suddenly backing out?:
[QUOTE]This whole mismatched bridesmaid thing is new. I'm not a fan, and that is okay. Many brides choose to have their bridesmaids match entirely and do not offer to pay for anything. I don't think that is right, and so I'm paying. The dress is a very simple black cocktail dress that they all chose together with the intention to wear it over and over again. Same with shoes. She can do what she wants with her nails after the wedding.
Posted by luv2cook13[/QUOTE]

No she can't, because you RUINED THEM. To take nails off one day after the wedding will destroy her nails. Hell, taking them off WEEKS after will destroy them and make them too weak to play guitar for months. You are selfish and it's quite obvious you don't give a ISH what anyone here has to say.

Did you even think to offer her the press on nails from the drug store? Those will last one day. 

ETA: Also, no one said anything about the dress or shoes. That doesn't make your BSCness better, so don't even bother mentioning it. I've never heard of anyone so selfish. You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

kristbot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-suddenly-backing-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c23fe363-7d2d-4395-b167-741e2d296a60Post:77c5ed41-e99a-48d4-a0ad-4c174a186528">Re: bridesmaid suddenly backing out?</a>:
[QUOTE]This whole mismatched bridesmaid thing is new. I'm not a fan, and that is okay. Many brides choose to have their bridesmaids match entirely and do not offer to pay for anything. I don't think that is right, and so I'm paying. The dress is a very simple black cocktail dress that they all chose together with the intention to wear it over and over again. Same with shoes. <strong>She can do what she wants with her nails after the wedding.</strong>
Posted by luv2cook13[/QUOTE]

<div>No. She can do whatever the hell she wants with her body regardless of anything you have to say. She bought the dress, she's going to show up on the day of; that's all she needs to do.</div><div>
</div><div>
</div><div>ETA: The "mismatched bridesmaid thing" I'm pretty sure refers to just their dresses. *No one* will care/remember what your BMs hair looked like on the day of the wedding. Same goes for shoes and nails!</div>

Peledreamsofrain

Psssst OP. Women's bodies stopped being public property like, decades ago.

Knottie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-suddenly-backing-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c23fe363-7d2d-4395-b167-741e2d296a60Post:fb94ebf1-e0c6-467b-896e-a4f356a323e4">Re: bridesmaid suddenly backing out?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: bridesmaid suddenly backing out? : No she can't, because you RUINED THEM. To take nails off one day after the wedding will destroy her nails. Hell, taking them off WEEKS after will destroy them and make them too weak to play guitar for months. You are selfish and it's quite obvious you don't give a ISH what anyone here has to say. <strong>Did you even think to offer her the press on nails from the drug store? Those will last one day. </strong>
Posted by kmbryant2413[/QUOTE]

<div>Of course I did! That would be FINE! She won't do ANYTHING to them at all!</div>

winelover123

In Response to Re: bridesmaid suddenly backing out?:
[QUOTE]The last time I had gel tips (I'm assuming this is what you're talking about? I could be wrong) put on was for senior prom. I also played guitar, so I had to have them taken off the following week. You know how they did it? They FILED THEM OFF. They went so far down that they filed into my nail bed. It was incredibly painful and I couldn't play guitar for somewhere around a month. It was horrible. I'm sure I just went to the wrong person, but I wouldn't ever try it again, either way. Even if someone else paid. I'm not saying this is what happened to your BM, but my point is, everyone has their reasons for not wanting to do something, and it's not your business. You won't be able to see their nails in photos unless you're doing a close up of their hands for some reason, and if that is the case, can she just have the design put on without the fake tips?
Posted by cookie0803[/QUOTE]

This happened to me too, except I had acrylic nails put on. It took months for my nails to grow out and weeks before I could touch them without them hurting. Never again.....

If it is super, super important to you that everyone has their nails done, why can't your friend just get a regular old french manicure with the design? It only needs to stay on for one day anyways. Why does she need tips? And lastly, why is it so important that their nails match?!

TXKristan

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-suddenly-backing-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c23fe363-7d2d-4395-b167-741e2d296a60Post:77c5ed41-e99a-48d4-a0ad-4c174a186528">Re: bridesmaid suddenly backing out?</a>:
[QUOTE]This whole mismatched bridesmaid thing is new. I'm not a fan, and that is okay. Many brides choose to have their bridesmaids match entirely and do not offer to pay for anything. I don't think that is right, and so I'm paying. The dress is a very simple black cocktail dress that they all chose together with the intention to wear it over and over again. Same with shoes. She can do what she wants with her nails after the wedding.
Posted by luv2cook13[/QUOTE]

<div>Here's the difference.  The dress is something you wear and take off with no impact to your body.  As others have pointed out, you are asking your friend to do something to her nails that she does not want to do.  </div><div>
</div><div>And, are you REALLY going to take pictures of the women's nails?  And do you think you'll go back and look at these pictures?  I promise you - nobody notices those things.  </div>

kmbryant2413

In Response to Re: bridesmaid suddenly backing out?:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: bridesmaid suddenly backing out? : Of course I did! That would be FINE! She won't do ANYTHING to them at all!
Posted by luv2cook13[/QUOTE]

Oh, now you're getting touchy. She shouldn't HAVE TO, is the main thing. Lord, can she just get a white tip painted on her real nails and the flower design? It's completel beside the point because you're nuts, but whatever.

Knottie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-suddenly-backing-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c23fe363-7d2d-4395-b167-741e2d296a60Post:6ba56afd-3943-42d2-87c4-696b474297bc">Re: bridesmaid suddenly backing out?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: bridesmaid suddenly backing out? : No. She can do whatever the hell she wants with her body regardless of anything you have to say. <strong>She bought the dress</strong>, she's going to show up on the day of; that's all she needs to do.
Posted by kristbot[/QUOTE]

<div>No, actually, I did. Just sayin'.</div>

TXKristan

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-suddenly-backing-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c23fe363-7d2d-4395-b167-741e2d296a60Post:75c346d3-d34f-4953-bbe2-d9914d9fc4d8">Re: bridesmaid suddenly backing out?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: bridesmaid suddenly backing out? : No, actually, I did. Just sayin'.
Posted by luv2cook13[/QUOTE]
That's very nice of you.  That does not mean that you are right to require them to have matchy-matchy nails.  

kristbot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-suddenly-backing-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c23fe363-7d2d-4395-b167-741e2d296a60Post:75c346d3-d34f-4953-bbe2-d9914d9fc4d8">Re: bridesmaid suddenly backing out?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: bridesmaid suddenly backing out? : No, actually, I did. Just sayin'.
Posted by luv2cook13[/QUOTE]

<div>Fine, she's going to wear the dress. You are really in no position to be nit-picky with us.</div>