Didn't want to thread jack- Not opening gifts at shower

Knottie · March 2013

Because of the earlier post about shower gifts and cellophane I found out that my MOH is planning on requesting the same thing (it's pretty common in our circle) but now becuase I brought this up she don't want to offend anyone. Is it rude to just not open the gifts at the shower? People don't open gifts at birthdays which are usually gift giving occasions so I am thinking it MAY be ok. My MOH said she is expecting about 100 guests and it just wouldn't be feasible to get through them all during the shower if they are all wrapped and I would hate to open some and not all. At one shower I went to the bridal party opened all of the gifts before they got to the bride to expedite things but I feel like at that point it's the same as cellophane.

What do people do in these cases?!

Additionally, kind of unrelated, but whichever way it goes- if I open the gifts there I would never be able to read all of the cars and I feel like it just looks like you are looking for money when you open the card and quickly scan it. How do people normally do this?

TheBaysideBride · March 2013

I would prefer a bride just open the presents at home, rather than ask for unwrapped gifts. Unwrapped gifts are just almost crude. Like handing someone a card w/o an envelope.
"Here you go, hope you like it...."

scribe95 · March 2013

To me the whole purpose of a shower is to give a gift, watch the bride open it and have some snacks and chatting. So I would be disappointed if I showed up and you just took the gift home. To me it comes off as you can't be bothered.

Can I ask why 100 people are coming to your shower? I mean not every woman invited to the wedding should be invited to the shower. It's supposed to be very close friends and families. Overall with 100 people coming and you just taking the gifts home the entire things seems gift grabby to me.

Knottie · March 2013

I'm okay with sitting and watching you open 99 other gifts so I can see my gift opened and your reaction that goes along with it. I'd be more okay if you had cupcakes for me to eat while I waited.

Liatris2010 · March 2013

A shower is a party about gifts. If you can't open the presents, and I agree, opening 100 would be nuts, call it a luncheon instead. Luncheons aren't gift giving events, if people bring gifts you can open them at home, like you would at a wedding.

misshart00 · March 2013

I really don't like going to showers where the bride doesn't open gifts. It just feels like 'thanks for the time and effort you spent, but I can't be bothered to open it.' That being said, I think you can open them quickly and scan the cards without it seeming rude.

Knottie · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_didnt-want-to-thread-jack-not-opening-gifts-at-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:af1b31b0-cabf-4f7a-9d16-fd7154a0a3a4Post:ef388151-da3c-4a49-9d58-5b0cc59de884">Re: Didn't want to thread jack- Not opening gifts at shower</a>:
[QUOTE]To me the whole purpose of a shower is to give a gift, watch the bride open it and have some snacks and chatting. So I would be disappointed if I showed up and you just took the gift home. To me it comes off as you can't be bothered. <strong>Can I ask why 100 people are coming to your shower?</strong> I mean not every woman invited to the wedding should be invited to the shower. It's supposed to be very close friends and families. Overall with 100 people coming and you just taking the gifts home the entire things seems gift grabby to me.
Posted by scribe95[/QUOTE]

My fiance and I come from very large families. Most of the shower guest list is family (mothers, grandmothers, siblings, aunts, uncles and first cousins) and the remainder is our closest friends (there are about 18 of my friends invited including BP members).

OliveOilsMom · March 2013

I have been to a few showers with 80 guests. Usually the BM help get an organized stream going. At one shower, the MOH pre cut any ribbon, ripped open the envlope on the card, and ripped open one side of the present before letting the bride finish opening up the gift.

The point of a shower is to shower the bride with gifts, which is why I think she should be opening gifts at a shower. Birthday parties are a little different, where you don't have to bring a present, necessarily, you are there to wish the birthday person well. And even though many birthday parties don't have the kids open the presents in front of everyone anymore, I do miss seeing the look of excitement on the kids face when they open my present (or the look of disappointment when I get them clothes instead of toys!).

GoodLuckBear14 · March 2013

<div align="left">In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_didnt-want-to-thread-jack-not-opening-gifts-at-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:af1b31b0-cabf-4f7a-9d16-fd7154a0a3a4Post:4537d7dd-da53-4d13-8752-631e63c3b10e">Re:Didn't want to thread jack Not opening gifts at shower</a>:
[QUOTE]I really don't like going to showers where the bride doesn't open gifts. It just feels like 'thanks for the time and effort you spent, but I can't be bothered to open it.' That being said, I think you can open them quickly and scan the cards without it seeming rude.
Posted by misshart00[/QUOTE]

This.

I fi go to a shower and you don't open present, I'm going to be ticked.

And on a side note - 100 is way too many people to have coming to a shower.</div>

lyndausvi · March 2013

I think asking for an unwrapped gift is odd.

I've never had a problem with people opening gifts at a shower. The entire point of the shower is to shower the bride with gifts.

To me a birthday party is to celebrate the birthday, not to get a give a gift. Sure people give gifts, but it's not main purpose IMO.

Some people put a lot of time and thought into a gift and like to see the recipient opening said gift. I know I like watching people open gifts I've given them. So I can see how someone might find it disappointing to just leave it on a table.

scribe95 · March 2013

I come from a huge family too - both my parents have 8 siblings. But no way did I have 100 people at my shower. I had three showers - split between different sides of the families and friends - in which there were never more than 20 people.

There is a way to do this that makes the gift-opening non-excruciating, and still respect the people who have spent time and effort on a nice gift.

lyndausvi · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_didnt-want-to-thread-jack-not-opening-gifts-at-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:af1b31b0-cabf-4f7a-9d16-fd7154a0a3a4Post:83bfd3e6-8b59-475f-b275-6505eedfb47b">Re: Didn't want to thread jack- Not opening gifts at shower</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Didn't want to thread jack- Not opening gifts at shower : My fiance and I come from very large families. Most of the shower guest list is family (mothers, grandmothers, siblings, aunts, uncles and first cousins) and the remainder is our closest friends (there are about 18 of my friends invited including BP members).
Posted by NYCBride2013[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>My sister's shower was about 80 people. Most of my cousins also. Mine was 45 people and only 5 of them were from DH's side and 2 of my friends. (I lived OOT, so my local friends were not invited). </div><div>
</div><div> It's just the kind of showers we give. The bride always opened the gifts, but with some help from the BMs. We would get the paper started, open the envelope and such. Then after it's opened someone on the other side take the gift. We can unwrap gifts in a timely manner. Showers lasted about 3 hours or so. Showers are always in someone's home. We also serve booze so it keeps people entertained also. </div>

TheBaysideBride · March 2013

NYC Bride - if the invites haven't gone out yet, just open your presents and do what PPs have suggested - have your MOH slit the cards and one side of the gift, and make sure guests have cocktails or cupcakes

Darbie914 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_didnt-want-to-thread-jack-not-opening-gifts-at-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:af1b31b0-cabf-4f7a-9d16-fd7154a0a3a4Post:4537d7dd-da53-4d13-8752-631e63c3b10e">Re:Didn't want to thread jack Not opening gifts at shower</a>:
[QUOTE]I really don't like going to showers where the bride doesn't open gifts. It just feels like 'thanks for the time and effort you spent, but I can't be bothered to open it.' That being said, I think you can open them quickly and scan the cards without it seeming rude.
Posted by misshart00[/QUOTE]

<div>This 100%. It's just rude to me to have a shower and not open the presents that people took the time to buy for you. If I went to a shower and the bride-to-be didn't open gifts, I'd be super annoyed.</div>

peekaboo2011 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_didnt-want-to-thread-jack-not-opening-gifts-at-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:af1b31b0-cabf-4f7a-9d16-fd7154a0a3a4Post:a36606bf-8c70-4d4c-a14c-3982f9f84efa">Re: Didn't want to thread jack- Not opening gifts at shower</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm okay with sitting and watching you open 99 other gifts so I can see my gift opened and your reaction that goes along with it. I'd be more okay if you had cupcakes for me to eat while I waited.
Posted by MuppetFan[/QUOTE]

<div>And wine. I'm definitely okay if there's dessert and wine.</div>

Knottie · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_didnt-want-to-thread-jack-not-opening-gifts-at-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:af1b31b0-cabf-4f7a-9d16-fd7154a0a3a4Post:89cea4f5-40a0-4f50-bfc0-2bbec5c636e0">Re: Didn't want to thread jack- Not opening gifts at shower</a>:
[QUOTE]I have been to a few showers with 80 guests. Usually the BM help get an organized stream going. At one shower, the MOH pre cut any ribbon, ripped open the envlope on the card, and ripped open one side of the present before letting the bride finish opening up the gift.
Posted by OliveOilsMom[/QUOTE]

<div>This. </div><div>
</div><div>I had a decent-sized shower. Probably about 50 friends and family. One of my friends had been a BM in a few weddings and had the whole system <em>down</em>. I swear, she made the whole thing so much easier. She helped with ribbons, snipped the wrapping paper so I could just rip it off quickly, and took cards out of the envelopes so I wouldn't have to struggle with that. She always had the next gift ready to go and it REALLY sped up the process.</div><div>
</div><div>On my other side, I had my lovely MOH who was collecting the discarded paper, saving the ribbons, making sure the cards got back with the gifts, and butting them back in bags if need be. The whole thing was smooth as silk and probably only took about 45 minutes. It's really not that bad. Just coordinate a sort of bridal-shower assembly line and it should go smoothly.</div>

Knottie · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_didnt-want-to-thread-jack-not-opening-gifts-at-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:af1b31b0-cabf-4f7a-9d16-fd7154a0a3a4Post:ac20ba0e-2c8d-46fa-a045-c10cffb6ce99">Re: Didn't want to thread jack- Not opening gifts at shower</a>:
[QUOTE]I come from a huge family too - both my parents have 8 siblings. But no way did I have 100 people at my shower. I had three showers - split between different sides of the families and friends - in which there were never more than 20 people. There is a way to do this that makes the gift-opening non-excruciating, and still respect the people who have spent time and effort on a nice gift.
Posted by scribe95[/QUOTE]

I appreciate your advice but one person has offered to throw a shower and I don't think it's appopriate for me to ask them to now host several separate events.

Knottie · March 2013

Oh, and I definitely second (or third... fourth?) the alcohol advice. And cupcakes. We had a very lovely cosmo sorbet cup thing. Some mimosas and chocolate go a loooooooong way.

tee0715 · March 2013

I have seen shower invites (one bridal, one baby) that say: "Please be a dear and wrap in clear." They were both for larger showers. Clear wrapping paper is kinda of silly, but I think it's still better than not wrapping the gift at all. That just seems odd to me.

winelover123 · March 2013

I suppose your MOH could say that you'd like to go green with the wrapping paper - I think it sounds better than, "Hey, don't wrap my present" because what it sounds like to the guests is, "I just want my presents." Some people may not wrap their presents then. I would be really ticked if someone told me not to wrap my gift - it feels odd giving an unwrapped gift and one of my favorite parts of gift giving is seeing the look on the receiver's face when they open it. As I said in the other thread, my other favorite part of giving a gift is wrapping it.

Knottie · March 2013

Thanks all for your advice!! I'm not involved in the planning but from what I know of other showers in my circle will be tons of booze and desserts

!!

I know it will also be at a restaurant so I am sure the restaurant manager (or whoever) is used to this and will guide everyone along!

Knottie · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_didnt-want-to-thread-jack-not-opening-gifts-at-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:af1b31b0-cabf-4f7a-9d16-fd7154a0a3a4Post:d53f0102-bd12-4afd-a151-79cd67ae4690">Re: Didn't want to thread jack- Not opening gifts at shower</a>:
[QUOTE]I suppose your MOH could say that you'd like to go green with the wrapping paper - I think it sounds better than, "Hey, don't wrap my present" because what it sounds like to the guests is, "I just want my presents." Some people may not wrap their presents then. I would be really ticked if someone told me not to wrap my gift - it feels odd giving an unwrapped gift and one of my favorite parts of gift giving is seeing the look on the receiver's face when they open it. As I said in the other thread, my other favorite part of giving a gift is wrapping it.
Posted by winelover123[/QUOTE]

My FI and I are very green as it is so I was thinking of this originally but wasn't sure if it was tacky or not. On our registries, we did opt for the "go green" option which says we prefer unwrapped gifts but that is for those that are sent directly to us in the mail. Since you are opening the outer box the wrapping paper seems silly to me anyway.

OwningAHome1981 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_didnt-want-to-thread-jack-not-opening-gifts-at-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:af1b31b0-cabf-4f7a-9d16-fd7154a0a3a4Post:ef388151-da3c-4a49-9d58-5b0cc59de884">Re: Didn't want to thread jack- Not opening gifts at shower</a>:
[QUOTE]To me the whole purpose of a shower is to give a gift, watch the bride open it and have some snacks and chatting. So I would be disappointed if I showed up and you just took the gift home. To me it comes off as you can't be bothered. Can I ask why 100 people are coming to your shower? I mean not every woman invited to the wedding should be invited to the shower. It's supposed to be very close friends and families. Overall with 100 people coming and you just taking the gifts home the entire things seems gift grabby to me.
Posted by scribe95[/QUOTE]

Sometimes having a big shower is unavoidable. My FI has 2 families (parents divorced and remarried) and I have one, so between 3 families and my friends I am having close to 80 people.

Knottie · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_didnt-want-to-thread-jack-not-opening-gifts-at-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:af1b31b0-cabf-4f7a-9d16-fd7154a0a3a4Post:89717110-8a52-464f-9360-0c56905f4984">Re: Didn't want to thread jack- Not opening gifts at shower</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Didn't want to thread jack- Not opening gifts at shower : This. I had a decent-sized shower. Probably about 50 friends and family. One of my friends had been a BM in a few weddings and had the whole system down . I swear, she made the whole thing so much easier. She helped with ribbons, snipped the wrapping paper so I could just rip it off quickly, and took cards out of the envelopes so I wouldn't have to struggle with that. She always had the next gift ready to go and it REALLY sped up the process. On my other side, I had my lovely MOH who was collecting the discarded paper, saving the ribbons, making sure the cards got back with the gifts, and butting them back in bags if need be. The whole thing was smooth as silk and probably only took about 45 minutes. It's really not that bad. Just coordinate a sort of bridal-shower assembly line and it should go smoothly.
Posted by Djinxs[/QUOTE]

This is great advice!! Thanks :)

OwningAHome1981 · March 2013

Also I am apparently in the minority about this and I have gotten attacked for it many times, but I am not opening my gifts at my shower and I am fine with that. If my guests don't like the idea, they do not have to come.

With over 80 people, I want to utilize time being spent with them, not opening gifts. It is my personal choice- there's nothing wrong with it.

Knottie · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_didnt-want-to-thread-jack-not-opening-gifts-at-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:af1b31b0-cabf-4f7a-9d16-fd7154a0a3a4Post:9a6f6c34-dc87-415f-addd-a5b3ec4cc1ff">Re: Didn't want to thread jack- Not opening gifts at shower</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Didn't want to thread jack- Not opening gifts at shower : Sometimes having a big shower is unavoidable. My FI has 2 families (parents divorced and remarried) and I have one, so between 3 families and my friends I am having close to 80 people.
Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE]

This makes me feel better :)... I was starting to feel like I shouldn't have a shower at all becuase I don't want to seem gift grabby! I guess I am not lucky enough for multiple people to host showers in my honor lol!

Simply Fated · March 2013

My friend has a huge shower and it took hours to open up the presents. The problem was that there was no real assembly line or organization going on. It was a huge headache.

The point of a shower is to shower the bride (and sometimes the groom) with gifts. There should be some sort of focus on the gifts, no?

OwningAHome1981 · March 2013

In Response to Re: Didn't want to thread jack- Not opening gifts at shower:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Didn't want to thread jack- Not opening gifts at shower : This makes me feel better

... I was starting to feel like I shouldn't have a shower at all becuase I don't want to seem gift grabby! I guess I am not lucky enough for multiple people to host showers in my honor lol!
Posted by NYCBride2013[/QUOTE]

Ultimately I'm not hosting the shower. My mom didn't want to spend the $$ and time planning 3 showers, so this is what she did. People can say you shouldn't have a big shower but if you're not hosting, it's not up to you. This is what worked out best for my mom money and time-wise.

ErinElizabethR · March 2013

Good idea: Asking for unwrapped gifts because you care about the environment. Bad idea: asking for unwrapped gifts because you're too lazy to open presents.

TheBaysideBride · March 2013

Don't feel bad!! at the end of the day, everyone is there because they're excited for you.
Enjoy the shower and just thank everyone for their presents and their presence.

BB

OwningAHome1981 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_didnt-want-to-thread-jack-not-opening-gifts-at-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:af1b31b0-cabf-4f7a-9d16-fd7154a0a3a4Post:4e262ff5-0d13-42e5-83ac-0206ddd93494">Re:Didn't want to thread jack Not opening gifts at shower</a>:
[QUOTE]Good idea: Asking for unwrapped gifts because you care about the environment. Bad idea: asking for unwrapped gifts because you're too lazy to open presents.
Posted by ErinElizabethR[/QUOTE]

Sometimes neither of these are the issue though.

Didn't want to thread jack- Not opening gifts at shower

Re: Didn't want to thread jack- Not opening gifts at shower

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