Didn't want to thread jack- Not opening gifts at shower

wrigleyville

Assembly line is the way to go. My SIL had a huge baby shower with around 100 attendees. We both have gigantic families, so she really did just invite their closest friends and family members. Anyway, she had her three sisters help her. Sister #1 slit the card envelopes and was ready with the scissors for any ribbon. She handed the present to my SIL, who would quickly open the card, say, "This is from my Aunt Jane," and then open the gift and thank Aunt Jane. While SIL was saying that, Sister #2 was writing down, "Aunt Jane - quilt". SIL passed the gift to Sister #3, who put it in one of those gigantic gift bags or sorted it into a pile if it was huge. As SIL was passing the gift, Sister #1 had the next gift on deck. She got through over 100 gifts in 45 minutes or so, but it didn't look rushed, and she thanked every single person. It was the most efficient shower I've ever been to. We were still eating cake and drinking when she finished. Scanning the card doesn't look tacky. The person who gives you the card expects you to read it and look for their name. Taking a few seconds to read it, smile, and say, "Thank you, Susan," is perfectly acceptable. Taking the card out of the envelope and shaking it is not.

kje_

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_didnt-want-to-thread-jack-not-opening-gifts-at-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:af1b31b0-cabf-4f7a-9d16-fd7154a0a3a4Post:9c0185c0-bd5d-4afd-8b61-82adc2b02e6f">Re: Didn't want to thread jack- Not opening gifts at shower</a>:
[QUOTE]I have seen shower invites (one bridal, one baby) that say: <strong>"Please be a dear and wrap in clear."</strong>  They were both for larger showers.  Clear wrapping paper is kinda of silly, but I think it's still better than not wrapping the gift at all. That just seems odd to me.
Posted by tee0715[/QUOTE]

<div>I'm not buying clear wrap plastic for 1 event.  I'd totally want to just wrap the gift with saran wrap a few times!!  That would be fun getting it off.  </div><div>
</div><div>OP, others have said it.  Open gifts there, but have food/drinks on hand.  I don't mind sitting through gift openings cos I'll usually sit next to someone I know, eat, drink and chat while it's happening.  I want to see my gift opened.  </div>

Knottie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_didnt-want-to-thread-jack-not-opening-gifts-at-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:af1b31b0-cabf-4f7a-9d16-fd7154a0a3a4Post:f5f7752c-5728-4e06-a5ac-2b43fa9a03f0">Re: Didn't want to thread jack- Not opening gifts at shower</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Didn't want to thread jack- Not opening gifts at shower : Ultimately I'm not hosting the shower. My mom didn't want to spend the $$ and time planning 3 showers, so this is what she did. People can say you shouldn't have a big shower but if you're not hosting, it's not up to you. This is what worked out best for my mom money and time-wise.
Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE]

Maybe it's an LI thing? haha!  My mom and MOH def don't have the time for 3 showers plus I want both sides of the family to try to mingle a little!

They may still end up doing the cellophane thing but I have shared this info with my MOH so we will see what happens :).  Either way, not an etiquette breach on my part.

Liatris2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_didnt-want-to-thread-jack-not-opening-gifts-at-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:af1b31b0-cabf-4f7a-9d16-fd7154a0a3a4Post:4e262ff5-0d13-42e5-83ac-0206ddd93494">Re:Didn't want to thread jack Not opening gifts at shower</a>:
[QUOTE]Good idea: Asking for unwrapped gifts because you care about the environment. Bad idea: asking for unwrapped gifts because you're too lazy to open presents.
Posted by ErinElizabethR[/QUOTE]

It is never a good idea to dictate how you would like your presents wrapped.

Loopyseven

I went to a shower for a Greek friend of mine.  There were close to 150 people there.  They had the assembly line rockin.  The MOH on one side got things started, clipped ribbons, opened cards, started the tape so she just had to open it up and ooh and aah.  Then there were people on the other side that took the gift, made sure the card stayed with it, and get it packed back up for taking it home and stuff.

Liatris2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_didnt-want-to-thread-jack-not-opening-gifts-at-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:af1b31b0-cabf-4f7a-9d16-fd7154a0a3a4Post:602c2a42-0c3f-418b-bdac-7c4027044b13">Re: Didn't want to thread jack- Not opening gifts at shower</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Didn't want to thread jack- Not opening gifts at shower : Maybe it's an LI thing? haha!  My mom and MOH def don't have the time for 3 showers plus I want both sides of the family to try to mingle a little! They may still end up doing the cellophane thing but I have shared this info with my MOH so we will see what happens :).  Either way, not an etiquette breach on my part.
Posted by NYCBride2013[/QUOTE]

You've just wandered into a world of trouble. Do yourself a favor, and go through OAH's posts on opening gifts at showers and it being a "long island thing". Cliff's Notes: Gifts should be opened at showers, it is rude not to do so, and it isn't a "long island thing".

OwningAHome1981

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_didnt-want-to-thread-jack-not-opening-gifts-at-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:af1b31b0-cabf-4f7a-9d16-fd7154a0a3a4Post:602c2a42-0c3f-418b-bdac-7c4027044b13">Re: Didn't want to thread jack- Not opening gifts at shower</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Didn't want to thread jack- Not opening gifts at shower : Maybe it's an LI thing? haha!  My mom and MOH def don't have the time for 3 showers plus I want both sides of the family to try to mingle a little! They may still end up doing the cellophane thing but I have shared this info with my MOH so we will see what happens :).  Either way, not an etiquette breach on my part.
Posted by NYCBride2013[/QUOTE]

Yes, having guests being able to mingle is my #1 reason as to why I am not opening my gifts. My #2 reason, albeit small, is that I don't love attention on me to begin with and I feel it can be sort of... not necessarily rude... but opening up a bunch of material things that I just got that no one else did just kind of rubs me the wrong way. I'd rather ooh and ahh at it at home and then send a very nice thank-you note after the fact. And of course greet the guest and say thank you for the gift when they walk in.

There are many reasons why people choose to do showers this way. Some see it as rude, but the bottom line is you can't please everyone.

And the purpose of a shower IMO is show to the bride love, support and all around happiness for her. The purpose is not to shower her with gifts.

ErinElizabethR

In Response to Re:Didn't want to thread jack Not opening gifts at shower:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Didn't want to thread jack Not opening gifts at shower:Good idea: Asking for unwrapped gifts because you care about the environment. Bad idea: asking for unwrapped gifts because you're too lazy to open presents.Posted by ErinElizabethRSometimes neither of these are the issue though. Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE]
If someone puts effort into wrapping a present they want to watch you open it. It's fun for the gift giver. In certain cultures more thought goes into wrapping a present than the present itself, and its a huge insult, like spitting on the floor of your hosts home, to not open it in front of them. Requesting unwrapped presents because you're trying I conserve is a legitimate reason. to ask people to not wrap presents or use cellophane which is terrible for the environment is rude. It's rude to ask your guests to go out of their way to accommodate your laziness.

kmbryant2413

In Response to Re: Didn't want to thread jack- Not opening gifts at shower:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Didn't want to thread jack- Not opening gifts at shower : Yes, having guests being able to mingle is my #1 reason as to why I am not opening my gifts. My #2 reason, albeit small, is that I don't love attention on me to begin with and I feel it can be sort of... not necessarily rude... but opening up a bunch of material things that I just got that no one else did just kind of rubs me the wrong way. I'd rather ooh and ahh at it at home and then send a very nice thank-you note after the fact. And of course greet the guest and say thank you for the gift when they walk in. There are many reasons why people choose to do showers this way. Some see it as rude, but the bottom line is you can't please everyone.
Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE]

As I just tried to advise against in the OTHER thread you just posted in, please stop with your shower/gift advice. It is not proper and you are on an etiquette board about what IS proper. Your place is not here, don't stir this up again.

scribe95

As the bride, you do have input on the guest list of a shower even though you aren't hosting.
I was lucky to have three people offer but if that had not happened I simply would have cut the list that I forwarded on to the hostess so that it focused on parents, grandparents, very close friends and aunts.

You don't HAVE to have 80 to 100 people at your shower. This is a choice you are making. Which is fine, by the way, as long as you aren't using the large number of people as reason to be rude by refusing to unwrap presents in front of everyone. 

scribe95

As the bride, you do have input on the guest list of a shower even though you aren't hosting.
I was lucky to have three people offer but if that had not happened I simply would have cut the list that I forwarded on to the hostess so that it focused on parents, grandparents, very close friends and aunts.

You don't HAVE to have 80 to 100 people at your shower. This is a choice you are making. Which is fine, by the way, as long as you aren't using the large number of people as reason to be rude by refusing to unwrap presents in front of everyone. 

OwningAHome1981

In Response to Re:Didn't want to thread jack Not opening gifts at shower:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Didn't want to thread jack Not opening gifts at shower: If someone puts effort into wrapping a present they want to watch you open it. It's fun for the gift giver. In certain cultures more thought goes into wrapping a present than the present itself, and its a huge insult, like spitting on the floor of your hosts home, to not open it in front of them. Requesting unwrapped presents because you're trying I conserve is a legitimate reason. to ask people to not wrap presents or use cellophane which is terrible for the environment is rude. It's rude to ask your guests to go out of their way to accommodate your laziness.
Posted by ErinElizabethR[/QUOTE]

It's not laziness in my situation nor in the OP situiation either though.

I would agree with you 100% if laziness was the reason, but in her situation that doesn't seem to be the case.

scribe95

Sorry for the double post. Tried to delete one. Not working.

ErinElizabethR

In Response to Re:Didn't want to thread jack Not opening gifts at shower:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Didn't want to thread jack Not opening gifts at shower:In Response to Re:Didn't want to thread jack Not opening gifts at shower: If someone puts effort into wrapping a present they want to watch you open it. It's fun for the gift giver. In certain cultures more thought goes into wrapping a present than the present itself, and its a huge insult, like spitting on the floor of your hosts home, to not open it in front of them. Requesting unwrapped presents because you're trying I conserve is a legitimate reason. to ask people to not wrap presents or use cellophane which is terrible for the environment is rude. It's rude to ask your guests to go out of their way to accommodate your laziness.Posted by ErinElizabethRIt's not laziness in my situation nor in the OP situiation either though.I would agree with you 100 if laziness was the reason, but in her situation that doesn't seem to be the case. Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE]
I'm not going to beat this dead horse. You do what you want. But don't say nobody told you it was rude.

Knottie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_didnt-want-to-thread-jack-not-opening-gifts-at-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:af1b31b0-cabf-4f7a-9d16-fd7154a0a3a4Post:7a9eb5fd-1fd2-4fc4-974c-b0d85efe62cc">Re: Didn't want to thread jack- Not opening gifts at shower</a>:
[QUOTE]As the bride, you do have input on the guest list of a shower even though you aren't hosting. I was lucky to have three people offer but if that had not happened I simply would have cut the list that I forwarded on to the hostess so that it focused on parents, grandparents, very close friends and aunts. You don't HAVE to have 80 to 100 people at your shower. This is a choice you are making. Which is fine, by the way, as long as you aren't using the large number of people as reason to be rude by refusing to unwrap presents in front of everyone. 
Posted by scribe95[/QUOTE]

There is no way I would have a shower without my cousins present as we are all very close and it would be wrong to exclude FI's cousins (I think) if I was including my own so unfortunately there really is no way to minimize my guest list.  I asked the question so as not to be rude to my guests and I appreciate everyone's honest responses.

<strong>Just to clear everyone up on my stance- based on the consensus of advice I would definitely like to unwrap gifts at my shower.  I know my MOH's original plan was to ask that they be wrapped in cellophane but I have shared your advice with her (both on cellophane wrapping and opening gifts at home) and I hope she takes it.</strong>

Viczaesar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_didnt-want-to-thread-jack-not-opening-gifts-at-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:af1b31b0-cabf-4f7a-9d16-fd7154a0a3a4Post:4e262ff5-0d13-42e5-83ac-0206ddd93494">Re:Didn't want to thread jack Not opening gifts at shower</a>:
[QUOTE]Good idea: Asking for unwrapped gifts because you care about the environment. Bad idea: asking for unwrapped gifts because you're too lazy to open presents.
Posted by ErinElizabethR[/QUOTE]
No, they're both bad ideas.  You should not be attempting to dictate how your guests wrap their presents.

kmbryant2413

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_didnt-want-to-thread-jack-not-opening-gifts-at-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:af1b31b0-cabf-4f7a-9d16-fd7154a0a3a4Post:ac9bb186-dfd9-4480-9e0c-2788b97b6a30">Re: Didn't want to thread jack- Not opening gifts at shower</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Didn't want to thread jack- Not opening gifts at shower : There is no way I would have a shower without my cousins present as we are all very close and it would be wrong to exclude FI's cousins (I think) if I was including my own so unfortunately there really is no way to minimize my guest list.  I asked the question so as not to be rude to my guests and I appreciate everyone's honest responses. Just to clear everyone up on my stance- based on the consensus of advice I would definitely like to unwrap gifts at my shower.  I know my MOH's original plan was to ask that they be wrapped in cellophane but<strong> I have shared your advice with her (both on cellophane wrapping and opening gifts at home) and I hope she takes it.</strong>
Posted by NYCBride2013[/QUOTE]

<div>Then you've done everything right. Do not feed OwningAHome, she is a troll and gives poor etiquette advice. The argument is with her, not with you.</div>

yellowdaisies84

I've never heard of, or been to a display shower before but I really like concept and I think it's a great idea. I'm all for anything that cuts down on wasteful gift wrapping, and I love that the guests can save time and effort by not having to wrap the gift and everyone can visit more at the shower. Seeing all the negative responses though does make me think that the idea could be offensive to some of your guests. Might be safer to go the traditional route, depending on your crowd.

AddieL73

This topic fills me with rage.

OwningAHome1981

In Response to Re:Didn't want to thread jack Not opening gifts at shower:[QUOTE]As the bride, you do have input on the guest list of a shower even though you aren't hosting.I was lucky to have three people offer but if that had not happened I simply would have cut the list that I forwarded on to the hostess so that it focused onnbsp;parents, grandparents, very close friends and aunts.You don't HAVE to have 80 to 100 people at your shower. This is a choice you are making. Which is fine, by the way, as long as you aren't using the large number of people as reason to be rude by refusing to unwrap presents in front of everyone.nbsp; Posted by scribe95[/QUOTE]

You dont always have a choice. My fiances mom has 7 sisters. Was I not supposed to invite all his aunts?

kmbryant2413

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_didnt-want-to-thread-jack-not-opening-gifts-at-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:af1b31b0-cabf-4f7a-9d16-fd7154a0a3a4Post:410f6c2e-0fdb-4f82-8345-4ea7e5730fe5">Re: Didn't want to thread jack- Not opening gifts at shower</a>:
[QUOTE]I've never heard of, or been to a display shower before but I really like concept and I think it's a great idea. I'm all for anything that cuts down on wasteful gift wrapping, and I love that the guests can save time and effort by not having to wrap the gift and everyone can visit more at the shower. Seeing all the negative responses though does make me think that the idea could be offensive to some of your guests. Might be safer to go the traditional route, depending on your crowd.
Posted by yellowdaisies84[/QUOTE]

<div>There is a difference between not wanting to open gifts and wanting to cut down on wrapping/waste. You can absolutely have a 'green' shower where people use recycled wrapping paper (even from their own homes, if you want to go that far), the concern here is that you cannot tell someone how to wrap presents, or how not to. I promise there will be enough visiting time at the shower.</div>

Jen4948

For a shower, open gifts.

The difference between this and an adult birthday party is that for the birthday party, gifts are optional.  A shower is about gifts, so they should be opened while the shower is going on.

ErinElizabethR

In Response to Re:Didn't want to thread jack Not opening gifts at shower:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Didn't want to thread jack Not opening gifts at shower:Good idea: Asking for unwrapped gifts because you care about the environment. Bad idea: asking for unwrapped gifts because you're too lazy to open presents.Posted by ErinElizabethRNo, they're both bad ideas.nbsp; You should not be attempting to dictate how your guests wrap their presents. Posted by Viczaesar[/QUOTE]
I can see your point there, but i'm not into wrapping presents, I always use newspaper or cut up paper bags. I wouldn't be bothered if someone told me not to wrap their presents. I would be like "yay, one less thing I have to do!" Most people I know would think the same thing. I never thought of someone being bothered by that, and I don't know of anyone who would be bothered by that. So I never thought of it as telling people what to do.

wrigleyville

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_didnt-want-to-thread-jack-not-opening-gifts-at-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:af1b31b0-cabf-4f7a-9d16-fd7154a0a3a4Post:410f6c2e-0fdb-4f82-8345-4ea7e5730fe5">Re: Didn't want to thread jack- Not opening gifts at shower</a>:
[QUOTE]I've never heard of, or been to a display shower before but I really like concept and I think it's a great idea. I'm all for anything that cuts down on wasteful gift wrapping, and I love that the guests can save time and effort by not having to wrap the gift and everyone can visit more at the shower. Seeing all the negative responses though does make me think that the idea could be offensive to some of your guests. Might be safer to go the traditional route, depending on your crowd.
Posted by yellowdaisies84[/QUOTE]

<div>If someone is too lazy to spend five minutes wrapping a gift, they can put it in a gift bag or have the store wrap it for them.</div>

TXKristan

Are we REALLY still having this conversation???

Peledreamsofrain

ootmother3

It's NOT the "latest thing" around here and I'm just over the bridge from you (Manhattan)

As a matter of fact, I have never even heard on and I go to dozens of shower a year.   It IS poor manners though.

Knottie

In Response to Re: Didn't want to thread jack- Not opening gifts at shower:
[QUOTE]It's NOT the "latest thing" around here and I'm just over the bridge from you (Manhattan) As a matter of fact, I have never even heard on and I go to dozens of shower a year.   It IS poor manners though.
Posted by ootmother3[/QUOTE]

Please read my above comment to Liatris.  As I said prior, I have been to showers where gifts are wrapped in cellophane and realize those are in poor taste.  I have never been to a shower where gifts aren't opened and was curious if there was etiquette on that which after 60 posts I know that it is inappropriate to not open gifts ar the shower.  I did not say that cellophane wrapping or not opening gifts was the "latest thing around here" at all and I understand and respect the opinions on why neither are appropriate.

OwningAHome1981

In Response to Re:Didn't want to thread jack Not opening gifts at shower:It's NOT the "latest thing" around here and I'm just over the bridge from you ManhattanAs a matter of fact, I have never even heard on and I go to dozens of shower a year.nbsp;nbsp; It IS poor manners though. Posted by ootmother3 I never said its "the latest thing". It's a new thing which happens to be common out of the showers I have been to. Some guests have asked about it. I explained the reason I am doing it this way is to spend more time with them. No one has said me wanting to spend more time with them was in poor taste but you are entitled to your opinion. I guess you have to know your guests. many of my guests did their own showers this way and the others are really laid back. There has never been any issues in my circle about ppl feeling how you do. Its all about preference and knowing how your guests would react I guess. Also wanted to reiterate i'm having 80 guests.

Harry87

Opening gifts does not have to take long. At my shower, sis handed me a gift, H and I took turns opening while the other read the card, and my stepdad sat behind us with a garbage bag so we could hand him trash. Aunt sat to our other side to put the opened gifts away. People were free to get up and graze at the snack table agaist the wall. It was really easy.

I think if you're having a gift giving party you need to open that **** gift. I say that as someone who finds it odd. You're getting free stuff, you can suck it up and put on a smile to open the thing. Seems like a pretty fair toll to pay.