Wedding Woes

Bride Cold Wars....sorta.

Long story short, My Fiance and I have been together about 5.5 yrs. We've been engaged for 1.5 yrs.  We have been talking about getting married for at least 4. So when he first went to Basic training for National Guard I was thinking we'd be able to get married by May of 2010....so way back when I told my friend i would like for her to be my MoH.  She's been with her Fiance for 6 yrs. I dont know how long they discussed getting married before they got engaged 4 yrs ago.  She asked me to be her MoH when they got engaged, but they kept putting off their wedding plans for yrs.  Then, as soon as my fiance proposed I picked our date almost 2 yrs in advance and have been planning my eyes out. I found out this past Dec that they picked a date (after 4 yrs of having NO date even in mind) and that their date is less than 2 months before my wedding.   Now it is crunch time and the 2 of us barely speak! Over the past 4 yrs we have drifted (despite my attempts to keep in contact) and we have nothing in common or anything to discuss when we get together, there are always other people around, its almost impossible to get her one on one.   I think I made a mistake in asking her to be my Moh because in the time that we were drifting, I became much closer to a friend I've known much longer and who can read me like a book.   While watching 27 Dresses with my other BMs my MoH said she woudlnt want someone in the bathroom with her holding her dress while she peed.  Well... at the time I wouldnt either.... but thinking about it later, if I REALLY needed someone to help me with my dress in the ladies room, it wouldnt be my MoH at all. It would be my other friend.  

I think you can deduce my dilema with that info in mind.   The only way I see out of this is for me to retitle my Maid of Honor as Matron as she will be married by my wedding and the other friend  will not be so she can have the Title of MAID of Honor.   Is this low? Would it make me the crappiest Bride ever?  I know how stressed I am trying to plan my own wedding in addition to hosting her Bachelorette (totally lost because I hardley know her anymore) and since it was her Fiance's idea to have their wedding this year instead of next year, I know SHE is stressed about having to rush her wedding (even though they've had 4 yrs to plan) so me re-titling her or asking her if she would like to step down (still be a BM) would alleviate a WHOLE bucket load of stress.  

This issue has been haunting me since New Years and my wedding is 5 months away. 
WHAT DO I DO????
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Re: Bride Cold Wars....sorta.

  • Do nothing. Taking her title is a public slap in the face,and she's done nothing to deserve that kind of humiliation. If the other girl ends up, holding your dress, then she holds your dress. A title doesn't get your dress any less held.
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  • 27 dresses was a terrible movie.
  • edited March 2013
    the point isnt weather she will be the one holding my dress.... the point is that your maid of honor should be the one girl friend you can count on 100% who knows you for all you are. all your fears and insecurities.  I dont feel that way about my moh... I havent since high school, really.  and I dont know why she picked me either.  If its just a title then who cares if I have a Moh at all?  
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  • have 2 maids of honor. one can keep the title you gave her, and the other could help you pee. it's not a big deal who helps you on your big day. i had people helping me who weren't MOH, and who weren't even in the wedding.

    honestly, if you take away MOH from the friend, you're going to end the friendship. this comes from experience. if you don't care, then go for it. but telling someone they arent your MOH anymore is really going to hurt. if she didn't want to be in your wedding, she'd probably have figured out a way to turn it down.


    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_bride-cold-warssorta?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:70415e5e-3740-415d-a254-c89dcf5ceea4Post:939f46f4-4b56-447a-adcc-761b0760d3f6">Bride Cold Wars....sorta.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Long story short, My Fiance and I have been together about 5.5 yrs. We've been engaged for 1.5 yrs.  We have been talking about getting married for at least 4. So when he first went to Basic training for National Guard I was thinking we'd be able to get married by May of 2010....so way back when I told my friend i would like for her to be my MoH.  She's been with her Fiance for 6 yrs. I dont know how long they discussed getting married before they got engaged 4 yrs ago.  She asked me to be her MoH when they got engaged, but they kept putting off their wedding plans for yrs.  Then, as soon as my fiance proposed I picked our date almost 2 yrs in advance and have been planning my eyes out. I found out this past Dec that they picked a date (after 4 yrs of having NO date even in mind) and that their date is less than 2 months before my wedding.   Now it is crunch time and the 2 of us barely speak! Over the past 4 yrs we have drifted (despite my attempts to keep in contact) and we have nothing in common or anything to discuss when we get together, there are always other people around, its almost impossible to get her one on one.   I think I made a mistake in asking her to be my Moh because in the time that we were drifting, I became much closer to a friend I've known much longer and who can read me like a book.   While watching 27 Dresses with my other BMs my MoH said she woudlnt want someone in the bathroom with her holding her dress while she peed.  Well... at the time I wouldnt either.... but thinking about it later, if I REALLY needed someone to help me with my dress in the ladies room, it wouldnt be my MoH at all. It would be my other friend.   I think you can deduce my dilema with that info in mind.   The only way I see out of this is for me to retitle my Maid of Honor as Matron as she will be married by my wedding and the other friend  will not be so she can have the Title of MAID of Honor.   Is this low? Would it make me the crappiest Bride ever?  I know how stressed I am trying to plan my own wedding in addition to hosting her Bachelorette (totally lost because I hardley know her anymore) and since it was her Fiance's idea to have their wedding this year instead of next year, I know SHE is stressed about having to rush her wedding (even though they've had 4 yrs to plan) so me re-titling her or asking her if she would like to step down (still be a BM) would alleviate a WHOLE bucket load of stress.   This issue has been haunting me since New Years and my wedding is 5 months away.  WHAT DO I DO????
    Posted by mrslawton[/QUOTE]
  • edited March 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_bride-cold-warssorta?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:70415e5e-3740-415d-a254-c89dcf5ceea4Post:7a7ab580-06af-4502-a316-8ed3af26212a">Re: Bride Cold Wars....sorta.</a>:
    [QUOTE]27 dresses was a terrible movie.
    Posted by Wzz[/QUOTE]



    Shut your whore mouth; Katherine Heigl should have won an Oscar for that role.
  • no hope. I dont know why I bother.
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  • i gave good advice. i also don;t know why you bother. 2 people actually responded to you here.

    pmeg, you are crazy and i am sure you saw that movie drunk.
  • Let old friend keep her title, make your new friend part of your Pee Guard - Diva Cup duties optional. 

    "If there's one friend that I want yanking a cup full of blood out of my cooter on my wedding day, it's her!"
  • DG1DG1
    edited March 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_bride-cold-warssorta?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:70415e5e-3740-415d-a254-c89dcf5ceea4Post:7768098b-eaa7-4832-bc79-287f09fb5a19">Re: Bride Cold Wars....sorta.</a>:
    [QUOTE]the point isnt weather she will be the one holding my dress.... the point is that your maid of honor should be the one girl friend you can count on 100% who knows you for all you are. all your fears and insecurities.  I dont feel that way about my moh... I havent since high school, really.  and I dont know why she picked me either.<strong>  If its just a title then who cares if I have a Moh at all?  </strong>
    Posted by mrslawton[/QUOTE]

    <div>Apparently you do, but I can promise you're the only one. I didn't have one, and exactly zero people cared. </div><div>
    </div><div>
    </div><div>Also, Katherine Heigl? I hate her in EVERYTHING. Why is that woman on any screen of any size?</div>

    image
  • I don't like Heigl either.  She can't act worth crap.

    I also got disinterested and I am drunk, so there's that.  B/c I couldn't stop my eyes rolling at all of this an d thinking you were all about...what...21 right about now?

  • Now I want to be drunk on a Monday night. I'm just avoiding the giant pile of clothes I cleverly put on my bed so I wouldn't be able to go to sleep until I folded them. 

    Seemed like a good idea at the time.

    image
  • Oo, we gave up on that game awhile ago.

    I'm drunk off of 2 glasses. That's sad considering.  But that hot yoga kicked my boo-tay and then made me super sore today.  4 Aleve later and wine was necessary.
  • edited March 2013
    I really gave Katherine Heigl the old college try, but I just can't like her.  Wasn't James Franco in '27 Dresses'?  He's also someone that I just cannot like. 

    I had 2 MOH's (one was a 'maid' of honor and the other 'matron' of honor) and no one cared.  At.all.  

    I'm sad I missed drunk Monday.  There's always plenty of wine in my house...I can always participate.  :) 
  • Conn - James Marsden = 27 Dresses, James Franco = 127 Hours.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_bride-cold-warssorta?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:70415e5e-3740-415d-a254-c89dcf5ceea4Post:b53da2aa-5861-4e54-b096-35112ff1c266">Re: Bride Cold Wars....sorta.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Conn - James Marsden = 27 Dresses, James Franco = 127 Hours.
    Posted by tawillers[/QUOTE]

    <div>Ah yes...The only thing I really remember from that movie is them singing "Benny and the Jets" in the bar after their car gets stuck. </div><div>
    </div><div>And I will not watch 127 Hours.  Being stuck in a small space AND self amputation?  *v</div>
  • In Response to Re: Bride Cold Wars....sorta.:
    [QUOTE]27 dresses was a terrible movie.
    Posted by Wzz[/QUOTE]

    Right?  I watched it on a flight back from Europe when I couldn't sleep and had literally watched everything else. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_bride-cold-warssorta?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:70415e5e-3740-415d-a254-c89dcf5ceea4Post:30a7f12c-256f-4f0c-b03d-03a287a63b3b">Re: Bride Cold Wars....sorta.</a>:
    [QUOTE]have 2 maids of honor. one can keep the title you gave her, and the other could help you pee.
    Posted by Wzz[/QUOTE]

    Isn't this why god invented the bathroom attendant?

    Also, I had a poofy dress and I still managed to pee all by myself--does that make me a prodigy, or just overconfident?
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_bride-cold-warssorta?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:70415e5e-3740-415d-a254-c89dcf5ceea4Post:7f3691f0-6b24-4e9e-9abb-6acd56731e16">Re: Bride Cold Wars....sorta.</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bride Cold Wars....sorta. : Isn't this why god invented the bathroom attendant? Also, I had a poofy dress and I still managed to pee all by myself--<strong>does that make me a prodigy, or just overconfident?</strong>
    Posted by Heffalump[/QUOTE]

    <div>Prodigy, totes. </div><div>
    </div><div>I think you should give a class on peeing in your wedding dress by yourself.  It's only fair to share your knowledge. </div><div>
    </div>
  • how will people know who gets to watch urine come out of your body unless you nominate a MOH.
  • There is another solution to this dilemma.  Buy a reception dress, and change into it after the ceremony.  Pick a dress for the reception you can pee in without difficulty.  Therefore, avoid the whole 'who will help me pee?' issue. You can get a lovely sparkly cocktail gown for $100 on  lightinthebox.com. Or whatever.

    As far as the other issue, that you are not friends with a woman you elected to be your MOH (besty) and that your not-best-friend-best-friend is now juggling her own wedding and not 100% devoted to being your wedding minion, the solution there is (I hope) to grow-up and gain a little perspective on what a real problem looks like.
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