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Customs and Traditions
FI wants to spend night before wedding apart, I don't..
FI and I have never been married before. He never thought he would get married until he met me. He doesn't know too much about wedding planning, etc.
I don't want to spend the night before the wedding apart, mainly because we love being together, and I don't sleep well without him.
He says we should spend it apart, as that's "traditional". Somehow he has that glued in his mind.
Now he is mad at me. Another reason why I want to spend it together, it because our rehersal dinner is at 5:30 and we will be providing food, and cleaning up, etc, also my hair dresser on the wedding day is only 20 min from our house, and if I stay with family, it will be 40 min away and appt is at 8.
Should I just say we will spend it apart and aviod the arguement?
I don't want to spend the night before the wedding apart, mainly because we love being together, and I don't sleep well without him.
He says we should spend it apart, as that's "traditional". Somehow he has that glued in his mind.
Now he is mad at me. Another reason why I want to spend it together, it because our rehersal dinner is at 5:30 and we will be providing food, and cleaning up, etc, also my hair dresser on the wedding day is only 20 min from our house, and if I stay with family, it will be 40 min away and appt is at 8.
Should I just say we will spend it apart and aviod the arguement?
Re: FI wants to spend night before wedding apart, I don't..
[QUOTE]FI and I have never been married before. He never thought he would get married until he met me. He doesn't know too much about wedding planning, etc. I don't want to spend the night before the wedding apart, mainly because we love being together, and I don't sleep well without him. He says we should spend it apart, as that's "traditional". Somehow he has that glued in his mind. <strong>Now he is mad at me.</strong> Another reason why I want to spend it together, it because our rehersal dinner is at 5:30 and we will be providing food, and cleaning up, etc, also my hair dresser on the wedding day is only 20 min from our house, and if I stay with family, it will be 40 min away and appt is at 8. Should I just say we will spend it apart and aviod the arguement?
Posted by rooinvt[/QUOTE]
I really hope you're exaggerating.
You shouldn't get kicked out of your own house, especially if you live together and it's convenient to you.
If he wants to stay elsewhere, that's his problem to deal with.
He says he's only getting married once, and wants everything to be traditional.
My husband and I spent the night before and most of our wedding day together. Our ceremony was at 6pm and we parted ways about 3pm. Tell your fiance that our two year marriage is wonderful, happy, and everything in between so we haven't (yet) cursed ourselves with badness!
**A scientist's blog**
And cool it with the "he's only doing this once" thing - the vast majority of people plan on getting married only once, it's just that life happens unexpectedly (divorce, death, etc.)
[QUOTE]Thanks ladies! I'm sure this topic will be brought up a few nights before the wedding, and if he still says he wants to spend it apart, I will stay with my parents..
Posted by rooinvt[/QUOTE]
<div>If he really wants to stick to tradition, he would have asked his parents to pick a wife for him when he was like 17. And his wife would have been a girl he would have only seen in a portrait once.</div><div>
</div><div>This 'tradition' he's talking about developed because of the above way of doing things in..oh... the 1600s. The bride and groom were not allowed to see one another before the wedding on purpose. People said it was to 'preserve the brides purity', but here's the truth: </div><div>
</div><div>It's the same reason for the bride's veil. Not everyone looks like a supermodel, and the artists who sent portraits of the 'intentended' often fudged details of the features to compliment them more. When the families were deciding on the matches, they didn't truely know what each kid looked like.</div><div>
</div><div>So, the bride and groom literally did not meet until they were face to face at the altar. At that point, it's too late to go "OMG YOU ARE HIDEOUS! No way, peace I'm out!". Too much scandal and public embarrassment is on the line.</div><div>
</div><div>So the next time your FI has a snit, politely infom him that you are far too attractive to have to worry about such things on your wedding day, tyvm.</div>
My husband simply stayed in our hotel room Friday night that we would use Saturday night.
[QUOTE]he should spend the night somewhere else if he wants to spend it apart. It would be a huge inconvenience to you and guys have a lot less crap to coordinate on their wedding day (makeup, hair, dress, etc). And cool it with the "he's only doing this once" thing - the vast majority of people plan on getting married only once, it's just that life happens unexpectedly (divorce, death, etc.)
Posted by sydaries[/QUOTE]
HE is the one that sais he's only doing this once, not me. He should cool it, lol.
[QUOTE]I just wanted to note that I don't think your fiance is ridiculous for requesting this. Some people like the traditions, some don't. It doesn't make him a moron or anything. I just think he needs to find a place to stay if it's his choosing.
Posted by scribe95[/QUOTE]
Same here. Ideally, I think that's what I would want when the time comes, but because it's <em>his </em>request and is actually a large inconvenience, <em>he</em> should be willing to do the "leg work" for it.
We aren't sure what we are doing. We don't have a huge preference either way, but if we do spend the night apart FI would be the one staying the night at a friend's. I think some relaxing alone-time, in a huge bubble bath sounds fastastic to me.
When I got married; the priest didn't mention anything about not sleeping together but last week during our RCIA, the instructor told the couple, they should sleep in seperate rooms from the time she receives her Confirmation and the wedding. This was because by living in cohabitation and having pre-marital sex, they are living in sin.
If your Fi wants to sleep elsewhere and a seperate room is not good enough; then he should go to his parents.
My H and I slept in the same bed, he left to my in laws at 8 am when my hair dresser arrived.
We spent the night before apart because my husband also wanted to do things traditional even though we had already been living together for a year & he was previously married. He had done JP first time around and he wanted all the traditional stuff this time. So I figured, he didn't ask for much when it came to planning so I gave in. I found a cute B&B that was right by my hair salon so it worked out. Plus I figured when our dogs get up at 5:30 AM, he got the pleasure of dealing with them. To be honest, it was nice to have some me time to relax & be away from everyone & clear my head (I do have aniexty issues too so I needed to focus on stress relief). I would vote for go with his request but just explain to him that since your home is closer to where you need to be the next morning, could he find someone else's home (or even a hotel) to stay at so that way you don't have as much driving around to do on your wedding day. Hopefully he'll agree to why it makes sense for you to stay in the home & he gets what he wants & you get partially what you want.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: FI wants to spend night before wedding apart, I don't.. : This. H wanted to observe this tradition as well, and while I think PPs are being a bit harsh in judging him wanting this, if HE wants to be apart then HE should stay elsewhere. Problem solved.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]
All of this. We are spending the night apart because I want to have a sleepover with my sister and cousin in the hotel, not because of tradition. I am sure I will leave all my things at the house and pick them up between hair/makeup and going to the church.